HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
