what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
