Sry I called you an 8
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
