im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
