i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
