I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
We have so much sex to catch up on
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
