i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
