I'm really into asian looking animals
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
send nudes
from the living room?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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