I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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