I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
