I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
All the doctor said was why
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
