I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
