Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
