If that was your dad, he is hot
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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