hotel room ftw
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
