If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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