sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
