it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
