Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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