i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
