whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
God I need to hump something, right now.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
