he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
