i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
