gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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