you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
