i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
