Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
