I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
