You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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