Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
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