I hate your face
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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