Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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