Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
