he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
