Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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