All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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