I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
