I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
