sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Randomize
