just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
