Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
