she woke up with a sticky ear
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
