imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
