My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
