wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
why is half of my head shaved?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
