Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
