three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
