I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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