I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
