Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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