its not stalking. its research.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Your cock deserves a montage
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
