Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
