I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I intend to get homeless drunk
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
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