Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Are my feet made of real feet?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
