how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
