i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
