Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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