We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
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he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
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random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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