god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
