you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Randomize
