nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
