i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Randomize
