Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
