So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
