I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
