Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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