So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
