I think my vagina is haunted
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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