News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
