one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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