I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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