I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
