We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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